The Best Burger I've Ever Eaten

          A few days ago I enjoyed an excellent burger at my workplace (Kidder's Landing), loaded with grilled shrimp, guacamole, crispy bacon, carmelized onions, and pepperjack cheese.  Let's just say the cooks take care of me. This concoction had me thinking, "What is the best burger I've ever eaten?"  It's tough to remember every piece of meat and cheese between two buns that I have consumed, so I'm going to shoot from the hip here with my best burger, and special mention that come to mind right away.

SPECIAL MENTION. - The Glenwood Pines - The "Pinesburger" - Ithaca, NY

          As a local that grew up just minutes from The Pines which overlooks Cayuga Lake, it's hard for me not to list the classic "Pinesburger" number 1 on my list, but I must remain unbiased.  Unlike my typical favorite sandwiches, this burger's glory is not based on size (which does matter).  The Pines stacks a smokey 6 ounce hand-formed patty, crisp local lettuce, tomato, and onion on a freshly baked Ithaca Bakery roll. To top it all off you have a choice of slathering mayo or thousand island dressing inside the roll, although the thousand island dressing adds the sweet element that completes the package and is essential for any first timer to try.  How can you argue against Ithaca, NY's voted Best Burger year after year, especially for only $5.50?

          Also, try the 4-Pinesburger Challenge (take down 4 Pinesburgers in under an hour) and land your photo on the restaurant's Facebook Wall of Fame. $18.50.

NUMERO UNO - The Counter Burger - Name Your Burger - Reston, VA (31 Locations)

          The small chain hailing from California provides limitless options - almost.  The restaurant boasts more than 312,120 different burger combinations, and also manages to keep returning customers on their toes by making "market selection" items available.  This adds yet another option to each category (burger, cheese, topping, sauce, bun). The first time I was taken to "The Counter" I had my doubts, but they were soon eaten up & away. 

          Counter Burger begins by giving you the option of type (angus beef, chicken, turkey, veggie, or market selection) and then asks the desired total patty weight; 1/3 lb, 2/3 lb, or 1 lb... after it's cooked.  Obviously I was ready to take down the biggest burger I could get my paws on, but was talked into sticking with the 2/3 lb angus beef burger. This is where things get interesting, from cheese, to topping, to sauce, Counter Burger provides nearly any desired high quality topping to really make the burger YOUR burger.  Oh, and if you think you still might be hungry, give the Parmesan French Fries a go, prepare to have your tastebuds blown.

MY BURGER - 2/3 lb Angus Beef, Tillamook Cheddar Cheese, Grilled Onions, Organic Mixed Greens, Roasted Corn & Black Bean Salsa, Roasted Red Peppers, Fried Egg,

Chipotle Aioli, on a Classic Hamburger Bun. - $11.50

This burger, "My Burger", is the best burger I've ever eaten.  What will be on "Your Burger"?

Just in Time for the First Full Weekend Back

Santa Cruz Sentinel - How strange is the emerging world of medical-marijuana entrepreneurship?  Consider Clay Butler, who may soon be marketing a food product that he's never tasted, and that he would never buy. The product is called Canna Cola, and it's a soft drink that contains THC, the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana, aimed at medical marijuana dispensaries.

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About a week ago I questioned, why isn't there a pot drink?  People proceeded to explain to me how I can make one, but who really wants to go through all that shit?  No instructions needed anymore, big Clay, a straight shooter who only uses any drug like aspirin when he has a headache, has come through in the clutch.  It's supposed to taste good, having less of the marijuana taste than any other pot drinks, so why not give it a shot?  The drinks are expected to run between $10 and $15 per 12 ounce bottle.  Captain & Canna Cola for me this weekend, Sirs.
 

Stay on the Lookout Bros

Alright, so there's some sticky situations you can encounter when you're looking for a prize to take back to your apartment, home, or dorm.  Some can be cancelled out by getting wasted, others not so much, here's a list of lessons to look out for next time you're on the prowl...


1) Blame the Booze - The all too common beer goggles.  Some nights I honestly still have nightmares about this situation.  After I got a good buzz on, I made a trip with a few of the guys, and quite possibly the widest girl at Cortland, to get some high quality drunk food.  Seriously, it may not have been her first trip to D.P. Dough that night.  Of course we went through the hookup and all that bullshit, blah, blah, blah (I literally almost shed tears of shame 2 days ago thinking about it). 

Luckily I wasn't drunk enough to take the wildebeest back to the room with me.  My boy Brian and I grabbed our calzones, and I started freaking out, I don't know if it was the fact that I was hungry for what was in my hand, or if it was because she wanted to eat my hand, i said Brian, "We gotta get the fuck out of here!"  Before that he had even tried to convince me NO, "She's a BEAST."  Thanks to him, we split, saving me harassment for the rest of my life.  Lesson learned, you gotta keep a Bro around for validation, especially if you're sporting the beer goggles.

2) Loose Shirts - Ladies, what the fuck kind of shit are you trying to pull here?  Are you really that desperate or is that blanket the only thing that would fit?  It's bad enough that you all try to negate your poor complexions with by befriending girls that you think are less attractive than you, but now you're wearing "stylish" puffy shirts.  AND, while we're on the topic of bitch clothing, let me tell you how great push-up bras are... until it's off and the tatas either drop to your toes, or there's absolutely nothing.  Even my tits could look good in a push-up bra.  Enough with the deceiving trends, you aren't as sneaky as you think, and Bros aren't as stupid as you think.  Lesson 2: Things aren't as pretty under the sheets as they might seem.

3) Makeup/Bed Tanning - I consider this a given, that's why it's listed last.  Why is it that a chick thinks if they look like Otto the Orange, I will want to fuck them?  It doesn't look real, therefore neither do you.  Fake boobs are different because every Bro wants to mess around with those things at least once in his life.  Of course tan is attractive, orange is not, in no way is getting an orange hue to your skin worth giving yourself cancer.  Oh and I did notice all that powdery shit on my shoulder after you hugged me, not fooling anyone, not sexy.  Fuck sparkles by the way, shit gets everywhere, impossible to get off.  Final lesson learned, fake is fuckable, but not preferred.

Trust me, I've been in all of these situations, and it ain't pretty.  You can thank me later.

The Champ is Here

I think its safe to say it was a good 2 days in The BroCave.  First, I claimed some cash in a big Fantasy Football Championship win.  Second, I hit a 4 team parlay after Stanford rocked Virginia Tech last night.  And of course, I defeated the arrogant challenger Ben Myer in a cookoff.  Iron Chef: Willard.

The night prior to the competition, Bennett aggressively attacked me via text, his preferred, safest style of provocation.  You could say that this lit my fire, or in more proper cooking terms, got the water boiling.

While he was drinking, I was preparing, gathering items that I knew no matter what the dish, would propel me to victory.  Of course as you can imagine, Big Ben demanded that bringing outside ingredients was illegal since he didn't think of doing it himself.  Erroneous.

Key items that were chosen secretly and required for use were used.  Every other ingredient used is free game.  Mess with the Bull, and you get the horns.  Scores were based on taste, presentation, and originality by five judges.  The BroCave was represented with pride.  In a close victory of 237-234, yours truly declared the Willard Iron Chef crown, and defeated the now not so disdainful challenger.


P.S. - Check out the comment for a little more insight into how vain Bennett still is since he can't accept not getting something he wanted.  You challenged, you lost, and I won.  Toodaloo Mothafuckaaaaaaa.

I'm Glad I Don't Know Her

Papa Fuckin Johns right?  This just goes to show you how impatient we Americans are.  This college student is so impatient she gets into a verbal battle with the cooks of a fast food pizza restaurant.  After waiting for ten excruciating minutes, the customer let's the cooks know what's on her mind.  I guess she must have been having a rough day.  After screaming at the cooks she decides it would be okay to throw her drink at a bro in line for his own pie.  As you would imagine, he didn't appreciate that.  The two start mouthing off at each other, the rhino charges back with a head of steam at the bro and like all tough bros do in a fight, they curse and have their other bros hold them back before they do anything they'll regret in jail the next morning.  The best part of the clip has to be some chick in the back obnoxiously laughing during the entire altercation.  Like the title says, "I'm glad I don't know her."

Get Your Ass to Wegmans!

 

I live with downstater Bros at college, none of which have ever been to a Wegmans.  They hear me talk about how fresh, and how much better Wegmans is as a whole compared to any other grocery store.  "It's only a grocery store", they say.  False.  Wegmans represents the quality that everyone expects when they go to buy food.  Tonight I just finished a fresh sub that they'll make for you on the fly just like any other sub joint: Subway, Quiznos, etc, except 1000 times better.  Last night I cooked up some crab cakes that i watched an employee prepare, some fresh scallops, and ravioli, all a Wegmans product.  Now they even have 30 Rock's Bro Alec Baldwin as a spokesperson for Wegmans, who earlier this year was on The Late Show with David Letterman boasting about Wegmans.  Wegmans has managed to excel as a regional company.  Hopefully they can remain successful within the region because you will not find a fresher aura at a grocery store than you do when you make a  shopping getaway stop Wegmans.   Get to Weggy's and check it out, it'll blow your mind!