The Best Burger I've Ever Eaten

          A few days ago I enjoyed an excellent burger at my workplace (Kidder's Landing), loaded with grilled shrimp, guacamole, crispy bacon, carmelized onions, and pepperjack cheese.  Let's just say the cooks take care of me. This concoction had me thinking, "What is the best burger I've ever eaten?"  It's tough to remember every piece of meat and cheese between two buns that I have consumed, so I'm going to shoot from the hip here with my best burger, and special mention that come to mind right away.

SPECIAL MENTION. - The Glenwood Pines - The "Pinesburger" - Ithaca, NY

          As a local that grew up just minutes from The Pines which overlooks Cayuga Lake, it's hard for me not to list the classic "Pinesburger" number 1 on my list, but I must remain unbiased.  Unlike my typical favorite sandwiches, this burger's glory is not based on size (which does matter).  The Pines stacks a smokey 6 ounce hand-formed patty, crisp local lettuce, tomato, and onion on a freshly baked Ithaca Bakery roll. To top it all off you have a choice of slathering mayo or thousand island dressing inside the roll, although the thousand island dressing adds the sweet element that completes the package and is essential for any first timer to try.  How can you argue against Ithaca, NY's voted Best Burger year after year, especially for only $5.50?

          Also, try the 4-Pinesburger Challenge (take down 4 Pinesburgers in under an hour) and land your photo on the restaurant's Facebook Wall of Fame. $18.50.

NUMERO UNO - The Counter Burger - Name Your Burger - Reston, VA (31 Locations)

          The small chain hailing from California provides limitless options - almost.  The restaurant boasts more than 312,120 different burger combinations, and also manages to keep returning customers on their toes by making "market selection" items available.  This adds yet another option to each category (burger, cheese, topping, sauce, bun). The first time I was taken to "The Counter" I had my doubts, but they were soon eaten up & away. 

          Counter Burger begins by giving you the option of type (angus beef, chicken, turkey, veggie, or market selection) and then asks the desired total patty weight; 1/3 lb, 2/3 lb, or 1 lb... after it's cooked.  Obviously I was ready to take down the biggest burger I could get my paws on, but was talked into sticking with the 2/3 lb angus beef burger. This is where things get interesting, from cheese, to topping, to sauce, Counter Burger provides nearly any desired high quality topping to really make the burger YOUR burger.  Oh, and if you think you still might be hungry, give the Parmesan French Fries a go, prepare to have your tastebuds blown.

MY BURGER - 2/3 lb Angus Beef, Tillamook Cheddar Cheese, Grilled Onions, Organic Mixed Greens, Roasted Corn & Black Bean Salsa, Roasted Red Peppers, Fried Egg,

Chipotle Aioli, on a Classic Hamburger Bun. - $11.50

This burger, "My Burger", is the best burger I've ever eaten.  What will be on "Your Burger"?

Are You Kidding Me Bro?

This is "that guy", the living autograph.  He arrives so drunk that he may or may not knock the final pong cup off the table, losing his team the game.  Actually there's no doubt, that is what happens, it did happen.  But you know what, Goldilocks had a solid night, look at that smile next to the sharpie penis on his face, shooting into his mouth.  Classic. 

Meanwhile, his hombre was taking 40 drinks to the face.  Truth, 1.5 liters of no-name rum devoured by a one man army.  That's pretty irrelevant but it deserved a mention, especially since frank the tank freaked out exorcist/Blair witch style at 4:30 am.

Anywho, only a Bro would go this hard, and I couldn't help giving him the honor of The BroCave post.  Props to the one they call "Milldew" for letting go, and landing a solid drunk smack to the face on his best friend, that will teach him to... not draw on you?  Give this guy the keys!

Bro of the Week: Jacques Caron

Welcome former professional hockey player, and goaltending coach for the New Jersey Devils, Jacques Caron to The BroCave.  From the moment I met this man bearing the Stanley Cup at a local restaurant, it was clear to me that he is a boss. As goaltending coach for the New Jersey Devils in their prime years, he is often credited with recognizing Martin Brodeur's talent, and turning it into success, acting as a father figure to Brodeur.  During his tenure on the Devils staff, Caron has won 3 Stanley Cups.

Now Jacques still serves as a contributing assistant to the Devils, but at the spritely age of 71, his role is limited.  After 71 years, this legend finally played beer pong for the first time.  On the shores of Cayuga Lake, it was only fitting that Jacques paired up with former Bro of the Week, Bennett Myer.  After "Team Bro's" stunning loss in the intense battle of Caron's first game of BP he claimed, "I'm a defensive player, but I really thought I had a few."  As you can see from the video, Mr. Caron didn't take the loss lightly, leaving after not sinking a single cup.  But with a cougar in one hand, and a full SOLO cup of wine in the other, he taught Bros everywhere a valuable lesson: you're never too old to party.  That makes the 71 year old, 3 time Stanley Cup winner, beer pong playing, cougar killer Jacques Caron the newest Bro of the Week.

Super Man Hangs Up His Cape

The big Bro king himself, Shaquille O'Neal, retired from the game on Wednesday after 19 seasons in the NBA. Shaq gave news of his retirement in style by use of the new social media service, Tout, a real time video messaging site. Always an innovator, the Big Diesel finished his career with 15 NBA All-Star appearances, 28,596 points, 3 NBA Finals MVP awards, the 2000 NBA MVP award, 1993 rookie of the year award, and over 6 different nick-names. The 39 year old stated his reason for retirement adding, "Father Time has caught up with Shaquille O'Neal." There is no doubt in my mind that he will be truly missed.

Oh no, does this mean his acting/rapping/police career is over too? Honestly though, Shaq was a man amongst boys during his time. The dude is 7 ft 1, 325 lbs; a living monster. His antics and entertainment ploys would never have been accepted if he didn't have the game to back it up; but he did. Shaq is hands down the best pure center to ever play the game and a sure first ballot, Hall of Famer. A four time NBA champion (three with the Lakers, one with the Heat) and fifth all time in scoring, Shaquille O'Neal is the ultimate bro.

Shaq it's been real, you have never ceased to stop entertaining me. I wont lie, I might have gotten a little tired of seeing your face after your latest "Shaq vs." reality stunt, but that doesn't change your legacy. You were the best; you can ball, act, kind of rap, and the fact that you can be unlocked in the UFC video game is beyond awesome. I'll miss you man and I hope Shazzam is aired on repeat for the next week. Enjoy the retirement big guy.

-Broverload

Josh Elliot: The Ultimate Bro Traitor

Former "SportsCenter" anchor, Josh Elliot, left ESPN this month to be the new host of ABC's, "Good Morning America". Elliot joined ESPN in 2004 as a guest panelist for "Around the Horn" and "Jim Rome is Burning". Making his mark on sports fans around the nation, Elliot quickly became the morning co-host of the number one watched show, "SportsCenter" just four years later. ESPN bids Josh a nice farewell and good fortune at his new job.

Josh Elliot what the hell is wrong with you?! You had the greatest job in the world and threw it away for what? Sipping morning coffee with the girls, discussing your monthly cycles? I'm ashamed. Your job consisted of delivering sports to the world with some of the hottest middle aged co-anchors (Hannah Storm) and hanging out with everyone's favorite athletes. People would have killed to be you, but that's all gone now. I hope Sam Champion and the gang welcomed you with open arms because you will never be welcomed back into the sports world. I almost looked up to you bro, almost.

Josh I wish I could bid you farewell but instead I just have to shake my head and wonder why. Why give up every sports fans dream? If Good Morning America is really all you've ever wanted then I feel sorry for you and your family. The ridicule your children must be receiving in school has to be off the charts. While you've baffled me, I'm sure stay at home moms around the nation are cheering for you. You had it all, Ultimate Bro-traitor.

-Broverload

Thank You, Gracias, Merci!

The BroCave has now officially been viewed each country in North America multiple times, including being viewed in each state of the USA multiple times, and has spanned widely across South America and Europe.  Thank you for the continued support to anyone who has read once in a while, all the time, or doubted The BroCave right from the beginning. 

But it doesn't stop here.  Up until a week ago, The BroCave has been a one man show, designed, operated, and written by myself.  I now welcome Cody Carbone (Broverload) to the scene, and have 3 more potential writers interested in contributing.  The sky is the limit.  If you have any interest in contributing, please don't hesitate to contact The BroCave at thebrocave@yahoo.com with some sample material, and don't forget to submit tips that will make our jobs easier.  Who knows, you could be a part of something special.  Thanks again Bros, keep on reading on.

Ray Lewis Claims Crime Will Rise if Lockout Continues...Didn't He Murder Someone?

In a "candid" interview with ESPN's Sal Paolantonio, Ray Lewis made a claim that crime will rise if there is no NFL season in 2011. He stated that, "people live through us...watch how much evil, crime will rise up if you take away our game".

Uh What? I hope I was not the only bro holding back tears of laughter after hearing this come out of Ray Ray's mouth. Yup, you're right Ray. Since there is no NFL this year I think I may go out an rob a few banks, maybe even sell a little dope. No wait that's way to miniscule, maybe I'll just be accused of murder like you, since I live through you and all! Forget school, forget work, there's no football so what better to do then become a criminal!?

Just because you're a self centered maniac does not mean the rest of us are. Yeah, we all love football Ray, but I am not about to go pull a hit an run because the NFL's in a labor dispute. Ray Lewis, if you want people to really live through you, maybe you should just keep your mouth shut. Oh, and holding back on the murder chargers couldn't hurt.

Geoff is a Pretty Cool Name

I refuse to be friends with someone named "Geoff", ever.  Instead of spelling it the easy way, this is the guy that will force everything to be way harder than it really is for his entire like, like having the name Geoff instead of Jeff.  Name one cool Geoff you know, you can't.  It kind of makes me mad just looking at it.  Geoff.  WTF is that?  No good, sorry Bro.

Are You Kidding Me Bro?

Last week I spent about 3 hours out of a day sitting under a tree with friends and smoking Hookah, not really moving.  At no moment in my life had I ever felt more like a hippie, and it was pretty great.  But this will not stop me from hating on the hippies in Ithaca. 

The no shaving/bathing habits are pretty nasty, but today I noticed a new hippie trait: Awful driving. 
Probably the only reason I noticed was because I was in a hurry, but the yuppies driving the hybrid, electric, solar powered, vegetable fueled Subaru station wagon in front of me felt the need to hit the brakes at every time they saw a little trickle of water on the side of the road that resembled a waterfall.  While there is no way the hippies outdo the Asians in the terrible driving category, hippies do one thing Asians don't, making hippies worse....

Hippies walk goats on leashes?  Are you kidding me Bro?  Downtown Ithaca, I'm just getting my goat some exercise, no big deal.  Pedro, there is so much wrong here, I don't even know where to begin.  The organic food is tasty and healthy, I can respect that, but the individualism this hairball is trying to force by walking a goat in the Ithaca Commons is just stupid. 

If you're a hippie, get off the road when you want to look at nature and shit, get your goats off the sidewalks. 

Finals are just about done now, happy summer SUNY Cortland, stay safe, stay fly.  Oh yea, IC SHIT.

LeBrick Chokes, But Shamrocks Run Out of Luck

Here's an entry from a potential new BroCave writer, let me know what you guys think... Vote 5 stars to get this Bro an account, 1 star for no Bro status.

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If you’re a Bro then you were watching the Heat-Celtics game tonight, and I pray that you all WITNESSED the Heat giving the worst closer in the game the final shot in regulation.  That’s right, LeBron James got the ball with twenty seconds left in a tie ball game and got stripped worse than Candy Bottom at the Topless Cabana.  

LeBrick got the chance at the last shot over “team leader”, Dwayne Wade, to try and get a leg up over the Celtics and take a 3-1 series lead.  Are you kidding me Bro? LeBron with the last shot? Has the last 8 years of him sucking on buzzer beaters meant nothing? Good call Spoelstra, you wouldn’t ever want to win the game and give the ball to, I don’t know, anyone else but LeBron?

At least the Celtics roster has an average age of 45 and couldn’t move during overtime to tie up the series.  Was anyone else thinking that if the Celtics won the game, all we would hear about for the next 4 years on SportsCenter is how LeBron got stripped on the last play? Besides Charles Barkley, I can’t stand hearing NBA analysts, but I hate it even more when they talk about the Heat. They lose one game, and it’s a National crisis.

I can see it now. “LeBron, you got stripped for the last shot, should Wade have shot it? Do you want to cry? What on earth will the Heat do to rebound?…..” 

No one cares. The answer to all those questions is that the man just sucks with a minute left and the Heat are fools for even giving him the ball. Bros, thank the sport gods that the Heat pulled it off so we don’t have to avoid SportsCenter Brett Favre style for the next month and turn our morning television pleasures to ABC Family.  

Keep at it LeBron, we’re all hoping you stop missing, not for your sake, but for the sake of watching SportCenter.

-Broverload

Bro Tunes Classics: The Outfield

Unlike the usual, this post isn't about producing some awareness for some new, upcoming college rap artist.  Epic 80's jam "Your Love" by The Outfield is simply one of the greatest songs of all time.  A sure classic in any true Bro's collection, and a must-add if you don't have it.  Get it Bros.

Think Different. Vote Ritter.

"My name is Lauren Ritter. I am running for Student Trustee and I would love to represent YOU as the students' voice on Cornell's Board of Trustees.

I'm a sophomore and a student just like you. In the past two years at Cornell, I have seen how important it is that there is greater communication between students and the administration. Everyone's voice should be heard and not lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday bureaucracy. I want to give you back that voice; give you back YOUR voice. One of my first actions as trustee would be to create an online forum where students could go to discuss issues that are bothering them and where the other members on the Board would be able to see and respond to them. I want to help facilitate and establish an open dialogue between the administration and students, so that we can voice our concerns and opinions in a way that they will be heard. I also have experience working with the administration and other student groups, so I know what it takes to reach a common ground that everyone can agree on and I will continue to work hard until it is reached.

In addition, I want to fight for a students' safety on and around campus, increased support for students' emotional health and community well-being, and better housing options for all students, both graduate and undergraduate. I also think that to address important issues such as mental health on campus we must first find what is causing the problem and look into how we can fix that first. Going to Cornell is stressful enough, we don't need anything else that is distracting us or giving us grief. Vote for the platform that is centered on making Cornell safer, more efficient and more involved with the students. Don't be fooled by pie-crust promises of "transparency" or better financial-aid packages. Think Different. Vote Ritter."

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Here we have a very special BroCave supporter, Cornell University Sophomore, Lauren Ritter.  As the creator and operator of The BroCave, nothing makes me happier than to know my supporters, and support them back.  But with Lauren it extends even further, and the keyword is commitment.

Other hopefuls for the Student Trustee position have created rap videos; creative yes, productive no.  As you can see from the photo, Lauren is Not Afraid to voice what needs to be heard, and It doesn't hurt that she's cute.

Lauren is as committed as they come, and right now she's focused on committing herself to being the voice of the students of Cornell University.  Do the right thing, help a Bro out, Vote Lauren Ritter for Student Trustee.

Vote online for Lauren April 27-29.

"Hey, you guys ready to let the dogs out?"

The monkey standing on a passed out Phil, Stu's Mike Tysonesque face-tat, Alan's shaved head... I think I leaked a little bit in my pants when I saw this for the first time. 

The release of the poster tells us to expect a true movie trailer soon, which is a relief since the teaser trailer did exactly what the name entails, tease.  So, keep your eyes open during the next few days.

It's a bit of a bummer that Heather Graham won't be returning as Stu's wife, which means no little Carlos.  Regardless of Justin Bartha (Doug) again being excluded from the movie poster, as long as the movie can live up to the hype, I don't mind.

Ken Jeong is returning as Mr. Chow, Mike Tyson returns as himself, and Liam Neeson also makes an appearance.  Of course Alan, Phil, Stu, and Doug are back, this time wreaking havoc on Bangkok.  The Wolfpack is back!

Bro of the Week: A Pong Legend in the Making

It's been about a week since I've posted anything on The BroCave, having more important things to deal with like a much needed vacation.  It has been even longer since anyone has been named Bro of the Week.  I'll keep it short and sweet, this time I'm going to shake things up a bit with the choice being a 12 year old pong Jedi master.

There are so many different videos of pong trick shots over and over again, but you've got to give credit when credit is due. I don't know whats more sad, the fact that this kid would run the table on me, or that he spent so much time assembling obstacle courses and practicing these shots.  If this little bro had no friends before this video, then he sure as shit should now.  This is for middle schoolers everywhere, if you don't know this kid, get to.  You're looking at the beer pong table's best prospect for the next 15 years.  Props to the little sniper Bro, the newest Bro of the Week and eventual BPHOFer (Beer Pong Hall of Famer).

Bro Tunes: Cam Meekins Edition

Over the past few months, rapper Cam Meekins has been making his mark in the music world through both his free downloads online, and performing as an opening act for Chris Webby.  The high schooler has been rapping since 6th grade, and the practice is proving to pay off.  Cam has already released three mixtapes, the first of which was self-produced, proving his commitment to the game.  As a promising talent under the broad wing of the well-recognized Matty Trump, the possibilities are endless for this young artist.  Find Cam's beats for free on DatPiff, Youtube, and make sure to follow him on Facebook.  To name just a few, some of my personal favorites include "Just Like You" (above), "My Baby",  and "Never Givin In".  Check it out Bros.

This Week in BroLinks - 2/27/2011

Screen Junkies - There's finally a release of The Hangover Part II teaser trailer, and tease it does.  Besides the "Wolfpack" walking, there isn't much to see here besides Ed Helms sporting a Mike Tyson-like face tattoo, and the movie taking place in Thailand.  It will be a must-see come Memorial Day.

Kissing Suzy Kolber - Remember this name for the 2011 NFL Draft - John Moffitt.  Bro is caught digging for gold, then eating the treasures during live NFL Combine coverage.  He has definitely made a name for himself before the draft.

Deadspin - Videos like this really make me wonder how soccer isn't America's sport.  Are You Kidding Me Bro?

Guyism - 9 things a Bro should always have in his wallet.  Cash, condoms, and more...

BarstoolU - "220 pounds of infused beast", says BarstoolU about Dom Sair of the SUNY Cortland Football team, and I couldn't have said it better myself.  Bro does 11 shots of Cuervo Gold in 22 seconds, and chugs down one bottle of vodka.  C-State represent.

Barstool Boston - Introducing breast milk ice cream, only $23 per cone-full.

Youtube - "Do You Wanna" by Mike Posner.  Yea he has some really good hits, but this has been the song I've been listening to this week.

Does Funneling Two Four Lokos in 10 Seconds Get This Bro Laid?

Stupid.  I wouldn't be surprised if he landed in the hospital after this stunt.  On the other hand I know that I've referred to it before, but a friend of mine drank 2 Lokos (1400 calories) in about 30 minutes a few weeks ago.  This resulted in him not making it out to the bars that night of course.

Instead, he passed out laying in his own vomit in the basement of SUNY Cortland's dining hall, Neubig hall.  He was face down in the bathroom of the closed dining hall (that is oddly located in the basement), and woke up to darkness, in a strange place at 1:00 AM.  Pretty Loko shit if I do say so myself.

Basically, whether the Bro in this video was functioning 15 minutes later or not, he deserves to get laid for the story and the live recording of it.  I know people who can't even funnel a beer, which does sound ridiculous especially for college standards, but it's true.  This Bro possesses a one-of-a-kind skill, and he deserves some kind of an award.  Props Bro.

Thanks to Ben for the Tip.

Is This Shit Real?

The only thing running through my mind right now... ARE YOU KIDDING ME BRO!?  The company that designs this headwear is called SpiritHoods.  I took a look at the price of this hat-mitten combo bullshit, it's $129,  $129 for one men's SpiritHood.  Bros, if you're caught wearing one of these you're just way too desperate for some attention. 

Maybe if you're actually considering one of these you think, "Oh it's $129 because of the fur".  Well that isn't quite the case since each one of these is made of the "finest faux fur".  Trust me, I'm all for cutting down on the animal slaying especially for the sole purpose of getting an animal's fur, but I don't understand how this manufacturer actually expects the consumer to pay so much for fake fur.  Please don't let me see you in one of these... disgusting.

P.S. - Is this multi-colored eye guy freaking anyone else out?  No big deal, just a random shirtless dude with a pedophile-grip on some child.  I don't know what's worse, the implications of this snapshot or the "SpiritHoods".  Poor kid...

Do it eBay!

People close to me know how much I enjoy eBay.  It's gotten to a point where I actually don't remember the last time that I stepped foot in a clothing or sporting goods store.  I suppose the benefits of physically going to a store are having the ability to try on an item if it's clothing, and physically bring the item home upon purchase.  But if you know your size, exactly you want, enjoy saving money, and can wait less than a week for the object, use eBay. 

Like most golfers, I have the idea that a new club will help my game improve.  My latest purchase is a 2010 Taylor Made Burner Superfast Driver.  This club would generally cost about $200 new in a store like Dicks Sporting Goods today.  The club I bought is gently used, reshafted to fit a player like myself, and has a new grip.  I paid about $75 for the driver, that receives 4.5 out of 5 stars in reviews.  I'm still awaiting the arrival, but it's not like I would use it in the current 20 degree weather anyway.  The whole point of buying now is so I could beat the rush of other golfer's competition for the same club.  I'm eager to try it, and hoping that even if I don't like it, I can go ahead and resell it for more money than I paid on eBay because I got such a great deal. 

The point of this post is to establish the fact that if you want to have nice things, but don't like wasting a ton of cash, eBay is the best alternative to shopping at what I see as the stores of over-charging corporations.  Random, I know, but before you make your next purchase of something you really want, take a peek on eBay first, you'll be thrilled with what you find.  Brobama out.

Urban Dictionary: Bro Cave

The designated zone for a group of bros to chill, bro out or get fucked up. The bro cave can take many forms: a dorm room, living room, bedroom or an apartment are all acceptable.

Flat screen, Playstation 3, and a dope speaker system are a must to satisfy all bro-quirements. Marijuana and alcohol consumption are always acceptable when the Bro Cave is in session. Bonus points to any bro cave that has a percy bong, vaporizer, or both.

Hoes are welcome into the cave, but if they start fucking with the cave's Bro-flow, they must vacate the bro cave.

Non-bros, or brokillers, are never allowed into the cave, no matter what the circumstances - however potential bros are always welcome to smoke some bowls or drink some beers with established Bros in the Bro Cave.


Bro #1: Yo bro, wanna go hit a few bowls and sesh some FIFA '10 up in the bro cave?

Bro #2: Hell yeah brotha, let's strap on our bowlerskates!

Bro #1: Yeeeee, strap em on nice and tight!

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