The Work of a Genius

I don't know how the hell anyone thought of this, and I can't believe I would come across something this rediculous, but its freaking hilarious.  I was flipping through the channels here late tonight and leave it to TCM to catch my attention.  Dogs talking, crying, smoking, shooting guns, whatever you can think of.  If you're able to get your hands on this 16 minute movie by the next time you're baked, it might end up being one of you favorite movies to watch when you get the munchies.  Just take a peek at the clip...

Does Anyone Have Any Idea What's Going on Here?

MSNBC- More than 240,000 Germans opted-out of having their homes appear on Google Street View – but not this guy.

The service launched today in 20 German cities, and it wasn't long before this pre-censored image appeared online, accompanied by text that Google Translate interprets to read, "Somewhere in Germany a Google camera car has photographed this strange situation. We have the address of Google is not anonymous."

Consider it cultural exchange. As strident as Germany is about its privacy, it's also the birthplace of the nudist Freikörperkultur (Free Body Culture), so here in puritanical America, we might take for granted lots of Germans hang out naked in their car trunks, and nobody thinks it's strange.

Wrong! Apparently, it's almost as unsettling as we'd find it here in the U.S. "Almost" because, you know, most American trunks are filthy.

 

WTF!?  Oh nevermind.  He's just naked in his trunk, no big deal.

Going Loko

 

First let me start off by telling a tale about one of my close friend's Four Loko experiences.  This guy drank two Four Lokos in 30 minutes.  BOLD.   So naturally like any other drunk, he got hungry.  He and his bros that he was catching up with took a stroll to the good ol dining hall.  This was roughly 6-7 o'clock according to him.... come 1:30 AM, he wakes up in the basement of the dining hall, in his own vomit, with no recollection of how he  got where he was.  Thank you, Four Loko.  This is the type of story we want to tell our kids about college, assuming we make it that far.

This week on campus the big buzz is all about Four Lokos.  By now,  everyone who has ever had a Four Loko has heard that bans are being set into place almost nation-wide.  I myself just had my first Four Loko this past weekend, and to say the least, it did its job.  Previously I stated that I was over the whole Loko rave and I wouldn't have a problem getting a buzz another way.  Where that last part is true, it turns out that I'm back on the bandwagon.  A good friend has recently presented me with an opportunity to get my hands on a couple of cases of this "Blackout in a can" as its often called, and I jumped on it immediately.  Plus, these babies still have the caffeine in them that Four Loko plans on taking out to prevent the nation-wide ban.  Red Bull & Vodka can wait, I've got my hands on some liquid gold baby!! 

Does Anybody Really Fucking Care About Soccer?

You might be thinking, "Oh shit, this guys in alot of pain, what happened?"  Nothing happened.  Yea the World Cup is pretty awesome to watch, all the fans of each country coming together to support their team and all, but is it a sport or all an act?  I'm sick and tired of seeing pussies, put a show on by faking ghost injuries on the ground.  There should be no reason for me to absolutely loathe watching soccer even though I played it my entire life, and loved to play it.

It's bad enough that the NBA has assholes like Pau Gasol (a huge soccer fan) flopping himself all over the place everytime he makes any contact.  That's annoying, but it doesn't completely halt the game.  I guess that's why the United States has it's own, way better version of football.

"If there is one thing in this world I cannot stand, it is fucking soccer, all right? And I hate when people do it around me!"

                                                                                                            -Kenny Powers

T-Woods Going Deep

 

Newsweek - Last November, everything I thought I knew about myself changed abruptly, and what others perceived about me shifted, too. I had been conducting my personal life in an artificial way—as if detached from the values my upbringing had taught, and that I should have embraced.
       The physical pain from that car accident has long healed. But the pain in my soul is more complex and unsettling; it has been far more difficult to ease—and to understand. But this much is obvious now: my life was out of balance, and my priorities were out of order. I made terrible choices and repeated mistakes. I hurt the people whom I loved the most. And even beyond accepting the consequences and responsibility, there is the ongoing struggle to learn from my failings.
       At first, I didn’t want to look inward. Frankly, I was scared of what I would find—what I had become. But I’m grateful that I did examine my life because it has made me more grounded than I’ve ever been; I hope that with reflection will come wisdom. Golf is a self-centered game, in ways good and bad. So much depends on one’s own abilities. But for me, that self-reliance made me think I could tackle the world by myself. It made me think that if I was successful in golf, then I was invincible. Now I know that, no matter how tough or strong we are, we all need to rely on others.
       Slowly, I’m regaining the balance that I’d lost. My healing process is far from complete, but I am beginning to appreciate things I had overlooked before. I’m learning that some victories can mean smiles, not trophies, and that life’s most ordinary events can bring joy. Giving my son, Charlie, a bath, for example, beats chipping another bucket of balls. Making mac and cheese for him and his sister, Sam, is better than dining in any restaurant. Sharing a laugh watching cartoons or reading a book beats channel-surfing alone. Some nights now, it’s just me and the kids, an experience that’s both trying and rewarding. Probably like the experience a lot of families have every evening around the world.
       When I first came back to golf this spring, after taking a necessary break, I was worried about how fans would treat me. But they’ve been kinder and more supportive than I ever imagined possible. That’s true away from the golf course, too. When I go to the store, or to work out, or to grab lunch, I’ve been amazed by the considerate, encouraging words I hear. I’ve realized that those sentiments are not merely courtesies but generous expressions of compassion for which I’ll always be thankful.
       I have a lasting gratitude to those who stood by me in ways large and small. Unfortunately, opportunists are trying still to cash in on my troubles, no matter how irresponsible or ridiculous their claims may be. In many cases, I’ve never even met these people. But there’s no way I can dispute each lie without provoking more. Besides, everyone has probably heard more than they ever wanted to about my private life.
       I can never truly repair the damage I’ve done, especially to my family. But I can keep trying. What endures in the record books are the achievements won through competition. What endures in our actual lives is the love of our family and the respect of others. I know now that some things can and must change with time and effort. I’m not the same man I was a year ago. And that’s a good thing.

 

 If "T-Woods Going Deep" was the title of a post about Tiger one year ago, there's no way it would mean the same thing as it does now.  Once everyone was convinced they'd heard the last from Tiger this year, "Cheetah Woods" lets it all out right from the heart on this one.  Honestly, even if you're the most feminist bitch on the planet, how can you not be impressed?  This guy has done some stupid shit, shit that was made public before he even had a chance to admit to it.  He finally realizes how bad of a mistake he made when he smooshed with multiple trampy hefers, instead of staying true to his beautiful wife Elin and two kids.  Very unBro-like.  But shit happens and you've gotta move on. 

Now that he has only limited time with his kids, he's really starting to understand what he lost.  Next golf season, Tiger will come back more determined to win than ever.  Whether he will win a major next year is unknown, but he will have his pride, and continue to gain supporters.  Tiger Woods is a changed person.  Welcome back Bro.

What endures in the record books are the achievements won through competition. What endures in our actual lives is the love of our family and the respect of others.

                                                                -Tiger Woods

2011 Already Looking Promising at the Box Offices

 

So I saw this trailer today and it prompted me to check out what the upcoming movies in 2011 are. It looks like I'll be spending a significant amount of time burning my cash at the overpriced Regal.  Here's ten movies that will officially be released in 2011 to look into...

 

• 
  
  Your Highness


• 
  
  The Hangover Part II


• 
  
  Green Lantern


• 
  
  Battle: Los Angeles


• 
  
  Green Hornet


• 
  
  Moneyball


• 
  
  The Mechanic


• 
  
  Transformers: Dark of the Moon


• 
  
  Cowboys & Aliens


• 
  
  Captain America: The First Avenger

 

So Easy a CaveBro Can do it: Capri Anderson

Meet Capri Anderson.  This 22 year old porn star locked herself in the bathroom of a hotel room that she was sharing with 45 year year old Charlie Sheen who reportedly caused about $7,000 worth of damage to the room.  This came after the two had a dinner with Sheen's ex-wife and kids Denise Richards.  Both were naked and drugged up when the NYPD showed up to solve the mess.  Sheen is certainly holding true to his nickname in "Major League", the "Wild Thing".  Sheen is more than twice the age of Anderson.  Are you kidding me bro?  I may have to create a page based on Charlie Sheen's life, this guy clearly knows what he's doing.  A bro fo sho. 

More importantly, check her out.  Luckily I was able to find one of the rare photos of Capri with some kind of clothing on so I could post it on The BroCave, and I assure you that when you search her after you read this, you will not be disappointed with the many other results you find. 

So all in all, i've given alot of thought to who the first "So Easy a CaveBro Can do it" post would be, and as many ladies as there are around campus that may deserve this honor, Capri Anderson has outdone you.  Congratulations to you Capri, get it in bros.

Where is the Love?

 

Alright assholes,  I want you bros to know i'm truly thankful anytime that one of you take a peek at the cave to see what's up (even if you dont comment).  I just added a little widget on the right side of the page where you readers can help donate to The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society just by taking a little survey that literally takes less than 30 seconds.  You can do it as many times as you want, it doesn't matter, at least do it once.  Maybe if you're feeling generous enough you can even donate $5 by texting HFC to 90999.  Get your shit straight, be a good person, and just do it.

 

Say What You Want, But This Made My Night

So I've heard about the Teletubbies sex scandal shit and this completely negates that.  This is one of the most entertaining videos I've seen in a while and I give full credit to the creative mind of Brian Husted who searched "Gangsta Ass Teletubbies" on YouTube.  Props bro, now I know where you get those sick ass dance moves from.

Cornell Professor: Certified Nutjob

Chill out Brosef Stalin.  Anyone who has ever gone to a single college class in their life has yawned at least once during class.  Cornell is more than often said to be the easiest Ivy League school to get into, and hardest to stay in, and this guy is tweaking about an "overlyloud yawn"?  Just because your career has stalled, you don't have any right to flip out on your students, and then indirectly threaten to make the overlyloud yawner pay for it.  Yawn.  Peace out Napoleon Complex, looks like the career stall won't be ending anytime soon.

P.S.- If anyone is interested in sending a simple yawn video or email, here is this bromo's contact information.  Maybe even hit this asshole up with a quick yawn during his office hours.

Mark Talbert
Senior Lecturer
Information Systems
342 Statler Hall
Phone: 607-255-0363
Email: mpt2@cornell.edu

 

Bro of the Week: Michael Vick

So Mikey killed dogs.  That shit makes me sick.  But you know what doesn't?  Vick shitting all over fantasy football owners everywhere that thought they had their week clinched.  Not on the Dog Whisperer's watch!  Six total touchdowns tonight, over 300 yards passing, and 80 yards rushing.  BEAST.  The guy is clearly one of the most gifted athletes of the 2000s, and Vick fighting back like he has is a  story of heart and great ambition.  However, that will not stop me from buying one of these chew toys for my little homedog Buddy.  Props to the creator of this chew toy too.

Is This a Joke?

For anyone that has every lived, worked, or stepped foot in a building with an elevator, you know what i'm talking about.  I understand the handicapped taking the vator of course, but seriously people, are you that fucking lazy?  Even if you're 200 pounds overweight, one trip up or down the stairs is a good way for you to get your week's worth of exercise.  Maybe it sounds bad, but it's true.  Save everyone some time,  help cut America's obesity rate and walk down one flight of stairs.

IC Shit

Whether we're talking about the famous Cortaca game, or the ice-cold drinks flowing from 7:30 am Saturday through Sunday morning, Cortaca weekend did not disappoint.  After trailing for three-quarters, the Red Dragons began a rally to outscore Ithaca College 17-0, and to reclaim the Cortaca Jug to its rightful owner.  Cortland relied on the legs of Sophomore Running Back Justin Autera who carried the ball 37 times for 236 yards and scored SUNY Cortland's 2 touchdowns.

So yeah, the game couldn't have been better, the weather was perfect, but so were the Four Lokos.  Congrats to the school, the football team, and all the fans of SUNY Cortland.  Ithaca, you goddamn hippies, can't say the same for you.  Go eat your organic food and pay 5 times the tuition C-State students do.  Win or lose, we still booze, and guess what?  We won.  IC Shit.

"This is the first time I've ever been drunk twice in one day"

                                                                    -Mike Cody