Are You Kidding Me Bro?

 

BEIJING (Reuters) – Torrential icy rain across five provinces in southern China has forced 58,000 people to evacuate from their damaged homes, causing economic losses of $203.8 million, the ministry of civil affairs said on Wednesday.

Freezing rain has pummeled the provinces of Jiangxi, Hunan, Chongqing, Sichuan and Guizhou in the past few days, killing one person and causing more than 1,200 houses to collapse, the ministry added.

The harsh weather in southern China, where winter is usually relatively mild, has damaged 142,400 hectares of crops in the provinces that produce rice, timber and coal and caused economic losses of 1.35 billion yuan ($203.8 million) as of Tuesday, the ministry added.

In southwestern Guizhou province, 22,800 people were forced to evacuate from their homes on Tuesday, state news agency Xinhua reported.

The icy weather and sleet have paralyzed traffic and strained power networks in some areas ahead of the vast migrations of people for the Lunar New Year holiday next month. Highways in Guizhou have been clogged in the past few days, leaving thousands stranded in their cars as almost all expressways in the province were closed, said the Guizhou Provincial Department of Transport.

On Tuesday, traffic slowly returned to normal in Guizhou as all ice-covered highways reopened after being closed for over 30 hours. Guizhou's provincial weather forecaster warned that it could take five more days for the cold and rainy weather to subside.

In early 2008, freezing weather across southern China caused power cuts and transport chaos, preventing many residents from spending the Lunar New Year with their families. The disruption rippled across the region, causing a brief spike in food prices.

___________________________________________________________________________ 

 The big deal with this here is that China is basically better than us in everything.  We're good at drinking, they're good at having babies, making nukes, and doing math.  We have baseball, they have Ninja Warrior.  We all know which is more fun to watch.

But you know what? At least we can build goddamn houses.  Seriously, maybe its about time I take a trip out East to check out these "homes".  Are they made of mud and popsicle sticks?  58,000 people were forced to evacuate from their homes.  Maybe they aren't as prepared for the winters like we are, understandable, but come the fuck on, its freezing rain.  I guess the reasonable explanation is that they were made in China.

I like how this writer needs to add that a grand total of 1 person was killed this entire time, oh, how horrific.  I'd say out of evacuating 58,000 people, 1 person dead is no biggie.

Theres video of people salting highways by hand.  I say good luck to you sirs, you're absolutely fucked.  Oh and have fun heating up your railways up by hand too, that's a guaranteed fix.  Next you should try dumping water on everything, watch it melt, then move on.  There's no way it refreezes.

Looks like you might have to give your good 'ol friends in the US of A a call.  Upstate New York can chip in the salt and trucks, then how about we call the $1 trillion we owe you even.  May the force be with you Bros, you're going to need it.

Say Goodbye to the Beard

Hamburg, NY - Until early afternoon today, it was just another day that Bills fans could celebrate the false hope of what the third overall pick in 2011's NFL draft would bring them.  Quarterback of the Buffalo Bills Ryan Fitzpatrick, formerly known as the "Amish Rifle", did his part to make the typical Bills fan's day just a bit more disappointing.  As the season progressed, the beard was honestly one of the only things I had to look forward to seeing when I watched a Bills game, and now it's gone.  "I'm fighting the tears right now," said Fitzpatrick sarcastically.  Fitzpatrick was forced to keep them beard the entire season by teammates after he initially only grew it out because he was lazy.  He came out nearly unrecognizable bearing a name tag saying "Hello, My Name is Ryan Fitzpatrick."  Come on Bro, you're better than that.  Now you just look like a 12-year-old boy.

The Champ is Here

I think its safe to say it was a good 2 days in The BroCave.  First, I claimed some cash in a big Fantasy Football Championship win.  Second, I hit a 4 team parlay after Stanford rocked Virginia Tech last night.  And of course, I defeated the arrogant challenger Ben Myer in a cookoff.  Iron Chef: Willard.

The night prior to the competition, Bennett aggressively attacked me via text, his preferred, safest style of provocation.  You could say that this lit my fire, or in more proper cooking terms, got the water boiling.

While he was drinking, I was preparing, gathering items that I knew no matter what the dish, would propel me to victory.  Of course as you can imagine, Big Ben demanded that bringing outside ingredients was illegal since he didn't think of doing it himself.  Erroneous.

Key items that were chosen secretly and required for use were used.  Every other ingredient used is free game.  Mess with the Bull, and you get the horns.  Scores were based on taste, presentation, and originality by five judges.  The BroCave was represented with pride.  In a close victory of 237-234, yours truly declared the Willard Iron Chef crown, and defeated the now not so disdainful challenger.


P.S. - Check out the comment for a little more insight into how vain Bennett still is since he can't accept not getting something he wanted.  You challenged, you lost, and I won.  Toodaloo Mothafuckaaaaaaa.

The Church of Tebow Prevails

 

It was Fantasy Football Championship week in the SUNY Cortland Fantasy Football league where Brobama's very own number 1 seed Church of Tebow took on the likes of number 2 seed Jetsfan17.  The scene was set for a sure showdown.  As the week went by I took the initiative by quietly researching the start/sit statuses across the league, remaining very sly.

Church of Tebow managed to snag both Running Back Ryan Mathews who took over for the injured Mike Tolbert, and Ben Roethlisberger. Both were released by Team Ramrod who was participating in the 3rd place game to get his money back.  The Roethlisberger move was obviously in question as it was a guarantee Ramrod's Michael Vick would not play, but he still had Green Bay Packer Aaron Rodgers on the team.  But lets just say I wasn't complaining since I knew the my very own Tom Brady would only have limited time during this week's contest versus the Miami Dolphins.

Jetsfan17 managed to dominate the Special Teams and Defensive aspect of the match this week, but anyone who plays Fantasy Football can tell you that Defense does not wins championships.... in Fantasy.  Only one player on Jetfan17's offense trumped any of Church of Tebow's players, that being Reggie Wayne.  However, there's no "I" in team.

Prayers were answered in the Church of Tebow this week as every player knew what was on the line, and stepped their game up to claim the Championship victory.  Ryan Mathews and Rushing title winner Arian Foster rose to the occasion and lifted their team to the title this week in a 184.10 to 118.62 stomping.

Take note that the Church of Tebow finishes the season on a 9 game winning streak, the last loss coming from none other than Jetsfan17 in week 7.  The Church of Tebow would like to thank all of its fans and supporters throughout the year, without you this victory wouldn't be as special as it is.  Until next year, don't forget to keep praying in the Church of Tebow, and as always, Fuck the Jets.

Official Final Standings:
1) Church of Tebow
2) Jetsfan17
3) Playbook of Eli
4) Team Ramrod
5) Snicklfritz
6) Private Zajac's Crew
7) Keith Stone
8 ) Ben There Raped That
9) PurplePeopleEaters28
10) EarlDontBeAHero

I'm Glad I Don't Know Her

Papa Fuckin Johns right?  This just goes to show you how impatient we Americans are.  This college student is so impatient she gets into a verbal battle with the cooks of a fast food pizza restaurant.  After waiting for ten excruciating minutes, the customer let's the cooks know what's on her mind.  I guess she must have been having a rough day.  After screaming at the cooks she decides it would be okay to throw her drink at a bro in line for his own pie.  As you would imagine, he didn't appreciate that.  The two start mouthing off at each other, the rhino charges back with a head of steam at the bro and like all tough bros do in a fight, they curse and have their other bros hold them back before they do anything they'll regret in jail the next morning.  The best part of the clip has to be some chick in the back obnoxiously laughing during the entire altercation.  Like the title says, "I'm glad I don't know her."

2012 is Just Around the Corner

It hasn't been 2011 for a week and it already seems like the world is going to end.  We all have heard the rumors of the Mayans predicting that the world will end on December 21st, 2012.  Well they might be right.  In fact it seems like the world might end even sooner.  On Sunday just over 2,000 red-winged black birds were found dead in a small Arkansas town.  The mayor of the town stated that on Friday afternoon, birds began falling from the sky.  The last bird recorded came on Sunday morning.  The mayor sent out 12 to 15 workers to clean up all the birds.  Now as if this story isn't weird enough, the believed cause of the birds death is stress from all the New Years Eve fireworks that were set off on Friday night.

Now I'm not a person who believes in things like 2012, however this is still some pretty freaky shit.  I could see maybe one or two birds falling dead in a town, but over 2,000!  Holy Balls is that a lot of dead birds.  I'm not sure if I'm buying that the fireworks led the birds to be stressed out.  Arkansas needs to change whatever the hell they're doing over there because its not good to have birds falling out of the sky like that.  Birds are supposed to fly and stay in the sky.  Welcome the first weird news story of 2011.

Tommy Coughlin Will Return

According to Bob Glauber of Newsday, John Mara, Co-Owner of the New York Giants has spoken; "There was never any doubt."  Mara was of course referring to the status of Head coach Tom Coughlin, and if he would return next season.

"I believe in stability. You can’t build anything if you’re constantly making changes and firing people", said Mara.  This is one thing that many professional sports lack when they hit a rough patch, desperately looking for a way to recover and grasp onto their .

I'll use my disappointing Buffalo Bills as a prime example of this because it is so easy to.  Year after year the Western New York area has been filled with false hope for the past decade.  The Bills have mowed through 5 different head coaches in the past 10 years, not including this year's head coach, Chan Gailey.  In these past 10 years the Bills overall record was 66-94.  During none of these years were the Bills blessed with a guaranteed starting quarterback for any season.  It almost felt as though every year the Bills were on the edge of something by playing hard, but would fall apart due to injuries, coaching mistakes, and simply not having enough talent.  The truth is that the instability in within the desperate Bills organization has held them back.

This year the New York Giants went 10-6, and were squeezed out of the playoff picture.  Tom Coughlin's overall record as Head Coach of the Giants is 65-47 which equals a  .580 win percentage.  The last coach of the G-Men to compile a better record in his tenure was Bill Parcells who was 77-49, which is equivalent to a .611 win percentage.

The point is that this year was not an unsuccessful year.  Yes, New York's Football Giants failed to make the playoffs for the second consecutive year, the pressure will be on Tom to prevail next year.  However, the majority of "experts" predicted that the Giants would finish 2nd or worse in the division, many besides ESPN's analysts thought it would be another 8-8 season.  The truth is, when you have a centerpiece as important to your organization as Coughlin has been, whether its his record or the 2007 Super Bowl win, you do not simply let that stability and reliability fly out the door.

I understand that New York City is a place full of desire and emotions, but its time to look closely at your situation and be thankful for what you have in your football team.  2011 looks promising for the New York Football Giants.