Get Stoked, Bros

A true Bro designed this, if you're interested in getting a free bumper sticker contact Michael Jasikoff, or stop by the booth at RIT.  Nicely done, Bro.

Are You Kidding Me Bro?

Screw numbers, screw statistics.  Everyone, we have the city of Buffalo to answer the question if we are still in a recession or not.  The answer is yes, absolutely.  A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine had his 1998 Plymouth Breeze stolen from his apartment's driveway.  Not until the next morning when he was headed out for work, did he realize his baby was gone. 

See my friend is on record for saying that his street goes as follows; "apartment, crackhouse, bar."  So maybe it's not too outrageous that his car was stolen.  I guess this is what happens when there's a bunch of drunk cokeheads running around Buffalo.  So he went through all the paper work, waiting, etc.  Finally, yesterday he was called up by the cops, and headed down to the impound, where the cool breeze was sitting, ignition torn out onto the floor, with 7 parking tickets. 

Are you kidding me Bro?  First, you steal the car, by no means the most flashy car which was actually smart in a way.  But then you have to rip the ignition out?  I don't even understand what the point of that is.  Go from point A, to point B, sell it, return it, or blow it up.  Seriously, this is the lamest way to ruin a car.  If you're going to pull a Grand Theft Auto, do it right.  Blow that shit up B-lo.  Now my Bro is stuck paying money for having his car stolen.

The Brocial Network

The Social Network, probably the second best movie last year behind Inception.  Just think of how successful The Brocial Network would be if it hit theatres.  Maybe there will be a spoof movie just like Meet The Spartans, or Scary Movie.  A Bro can only dream.  Whether it makes it or not, this parody movie trailer is absolutely spot on.  Watch the real trailer, then this.  The only people disliking this vid is Bro-Haters.  Over 120,000 views in one day, and counting.  Congratulations to the Bros who put this masterpiece together.  The BroCave is proud to support The Brocial Network.

Bro Tunes: TJ Fredette Edition

Alright, after Jimmer Fredette was finally noticed as a consistent lights-out scorer in college basketball, his brother's song has been taking off.  So this song isn't quite "Amazing", but you've gotta give the Bro props.  How many Morman's do you know that can rap like that?  Chances are zero, and chances are that's because you don't know any Mormans.  It's a pretty sweet tune dedicated to Bro love, so it was a must add for The BroCave.  Not to mention that Jimmer Fredette, a native of Glens Falls, NY, is absolutely dirty.  I definitely have worse songs on my iPod.  Add it.

Bro of the Week: Wild-Thing

...You make every porn star sing.  Bree Olson, Capri Anderson, Kacey Jordan, and the list goes on.  Bro makes $1.8 million for each Two and a Half Men episode he shoots. So why is everybody making a big deal about him spending $26 thousand in one day on prostitutes? Who cares that he paid pornstar Kacey Jordan $30 thousand for one night?  Well apparently it was the suitcase of cocaine that's a big deal.  I myself am not a sniffer, would never do coke or any hard drugs for that matter, but hey, you only live once.  This guy has more fun in one weekend then I will my entire life.  Now, welcome to rehab.  There's no pounding pornstars and full glasses of straight vodka in recovery.

Apparently he's destined to be the next Hef?  A 27 room mansion, Bentley for each girl, Hef is running on straight Viagra right now.  It's about time for someone to step up to the plate.  If he successfully overcomes his insane party binges, you're looking at the new Hugh Hefner. 

By the way, she definitely blew him in the theatre.  Next weekend is dedicated to Sheen, if he can't party, The BroCave will for him.  Here's to the next Playboy King Charlie Sheen, the Bro of the Week.

The Cannibus Catapult

Washington Post - Drug smugglers are using an ancient invention as a new way to move marijuana across the border from Mexico to Arizona. The discovery of two "drug catapults" in the Mexican state of Sonora marks the latest twist in the cat-and-mouse game traffickers play with authorities.


U.S. National Guard troops operating a remote surveillance system at the Naco Border Patrol Station say they observed several people preparing a catapult and launching packages over the fence late last week.

A Mexican army officer says the 3-yard (3-meter) tall catapult was found about 20 yards (20 meters) from the U.S. border on a flatbed towed by a sports utility vehicle. The officer says the catapult was capable of launching 4.4 pounds (2 kilograms) of marijuana at a time. He says soldiers seized 35 pounds (16 kilograms) of pot, the vehicle and the catapult.
The smugglers left before they could be captured. The surveillance video of them using the catapult was released Wednesday.

_____________________________________________________

Hey, whatever works, Bro.  Simplicity, reliability, the catapult.  However, this particular catapult was not alone.  Officials found a number of other pot catapults in the area since this article was published, who knows how much weed they were tossing, and for how long?  Whatever, welcome to the medieval ages Mexico.

Thanks to Kyle for the tip on the story.

This Week in BroLinks - 1/29/2011

COED Magazine - January 24th was Beer Can Appreciation day.  Here's a bunch of creative tributes to the
suds we all love.

BarstoolU - Probably anyone's favorite professor here at SUNY Cortland in the Sport Management department, until the news broke.  Apparently his efforts were good enough to get him onto BarstoolU's "Professor or Pedophile".  In the red polo, I present Dan DiPerno...

Guyism - Fucking Islanders.  Never have I been more scared to ride in a car than when I'm riding with a Long Islander.  Of course they'll obviously be the first to defend themselves here, but the truth is, as much as they deny it, is that Long Islanders/City-goers are 1000x more aggressive than people in the rest of the state of New York.  Social status was the cause of the entire debacle, big surprise.

COED Magazine - By an author from Ithaca College.  Like IC, Cortland, etc, it's vital to know how to get laid at a house party.  A practical and well written post.  5 rules to help a Bro out.

Deadspin - A number of stories about having sex in hot, shitty port-a-potties.  Would/could you do it?  Can anyone make it past the concealed reek of pure shit and sweat?  A tall task for any Bro.

BroBible - For your next trip to the Big Apple, here's some tips/random facts about the prostitutes.  A Bro in need is a friend indeed.

Barstool NY - Possibly the most publicity that the Lopez show has gotten to this point.  It's literally fucking terrible.  But Brian Wilson is a must-see character any time he makes a public appearance.  Crazy.

Bossip - Sexiest Bro alive? Not with a frowning stomach.

Screen Junkies - Think Sarah Palin is good jack-off material?  You and Tracy Morgan have something in common.  One of the biggest idiots that calls himself a "comedian" gives his input on "Tina Fey or Sarah Plain" on Inside the NBA on TNT.