Nice Hair Bro

TMZ - has obtained the mug shot of Denver Broncos running back Laurence Maroney -- who was arrested in St. Louis on weapons and drug charges late Monday night.  Maroney -- a star running back for the Denver Broncos -- was allegedly high on drugs while in possession of a firearm.  Maroney's rep insists he had a permit to carry the weapon -- and has since been released from jail.

The Broncos player was in the car with 5 other people, all smoking, 3 of which had firearms, 2 handguns and a rifle.  A rifle?  Obviously it was just a misunderstanding, and the boys were taking off on a big-game hinting trip in the middle of St. Louis right?  At least Patriot fans have something to smile about this week.

Bro Tunes: Andy Grammer Edition

So this really isn't a new artist for me, one of my good friends played it for me over a month ago, but figured he was worth sharing.  Meet Andy Grammer, whos lone hit song on iTunes is called "Keep Your Head Up".  It's kind of an inspiring song that's guaranteed to brighten your mood.  In addition, you'll be surprised to see that Rainn Wilson, star of The Office, was a component in the making of the music video.  I wasn't sure if I was a big fan of this song at first, but after listening a few more times it really stuck in my head, and now is near the top of my recently played songs on my iPod. 

Also, if you take the time to look into Grammer a little bit more you'll find he has an array of songs on Youtube such as "The Pocket".  His music is honest, catchy, and has a bit of a Maroon 5 feel to it.  "Keep Your Head Up" is just the first big release by Andy Grammer, and it wouldn't surprise me if he became a household name soon.  He's a bit more well known than the last featured Bro Tune, Demps, and a completely different genre. 

But, The BroCave is aiming for diversity.  If you missed last week's edition of Bro Tunes, make sure to check out Demps' new single on iTunes called "I Got It", and mixtape on DatPiff.   Keep you heads up, and enjoy the music Bros.

"They Can't Even Stop a Nosebleed!"

Bart Scott is a manimal.  Seriously hes fuckin' crazy.  Next time I'm in New York I feel that much more unsafe now.  Probably the most intense postgame interviews I've ever seen.  That's what happens when your team spends the entire post game jumping into the stands, bragging, and being as much of a dick as possible.  Whatever you do, give no credit to the Pats or anyone else.  It's not that people think that the Jets are not a good team, its the team's general asshole attitude towards everyone that has people rooting against them.  And everyone knows the Jets defense is much better than the Patriots defense, that's not even a fucking question.  The Pats defense was terrible all year.  Even though this is probably the most tense postgame interview I've ever seen, its a typical Jets, talk out of the ass scene.  Prepare for another week of shit talking.  Also, pretty sure Sal Paolantonio shit his pants right before he congratulated Scott.

Attention Jets Fans: Free Foot Fucks for Everyone!

The New York Jets win.  Obviously I've shared that I'm not a fan of these assholes, especially this fat fuck named Rex Ryan, but as much as it pains me to say this, you have to give credit where credit is due.  The Jets simply deserved to win that game.

First of all, another great year by the New England Patriots, not even the most pompus Jets fan can deny the 14-2 season a a good one.  But in the end when it matter, the Pats faltered.  Ii honestly don't think that the different defensive schemes confused Brady, I just think that he didn't come to play, and if anyone was confused, the receivers were.  For most of the game, the quarterback's throw to his receivers made it look like they were all out of sync.  The only excuse that I can think of is that the 2 week break from live football affected New England's play.  Who knows.

Everyone knew the Patriots defense was terrible going into this game, but I among other people thought they would step up.  To make matters worse for the Patriots, the Jets offense was superb.  Dirty Sanchez did everything that could be asked of him and more by not forcing throws, and locating passes where only his receiver's could catch them.  His 127.3 passer rating trumped Tom Brady's by 28.3 points, in 20 less throws than Brady.  The Jets Offense exposed all the defensive holes that the Patriots have to fill in the offseason as not only the passing game excelled, but also the 1-2 punch of LaDainian Tomlinson and Shonn Greene also added balance, totaling an average of 4.4 yards per carry between the two backs.

What won the Jets the though, was the defense.  After a let down regular season following last year's dominance on D, the Jets seem to have finally caught their stride when it counts.  In the last 2 games, the Jets defense has confused and disrupted the two best quarterbacks in the NFL.  If the two best quarterbacks in the league can't beat the Jets, who can?

The saying is "Defense wins Championships", maybe, just maybe the Jets can march through New York with the Super Bowl trophy.  Moving forward, the Jets face the Steelers next week, who they already beat earlier this year.  Though it is said that games are different in the postseason and anything can happen, the path does go through a very good Pittsburgh team.  Not to mention that of all 4 remaining teams, the Jets defense ranks behind the 3 others.  The Jets haven't won shit yet.  To think that all of this started at SUNY Cortland...

That's More Like it

If this video wasn't two years old, this would absolutely be a Bro of the Week nomination.  More than half the kids in college today haven't done a keg-stand in their life, and 83 year old Ethel is showing them how it's done.   She was hitting up kegs when they were still wooden.  She made kegs her bitch before America had all 50 states. This is just another example of the pussification of America.  Next time you're peer pressured to do a keg-stand, don't pussy out, if an 83 year old woman can do it, you can do it.  Sack up Bros.

The Head Games Continue...

Rotoworld - Fox Sports' Jay Glazer presented a video on Fox NFL Sunday that showed the Patriots appearing to setup a Sal Alosi type wall in their first meeting with the Jets this season.  The Jets claimed at the time of Alosi fiasco that the Patriots were guilty of the same crime, but did not have the video evidence to prove it. Glazer has now done that for them, but it's obviously too late for the NFL to reduce the $100,000 fine it imposed on New York last month. It's unclear what action, if any, the league will take on the Patriots.

Can the Jets please just lose so I can stop hearing all this shit, or are they going to specifically go out of their way to find some more things the Patriots did that are illegal? Another attempt to get in the Patriots heads right before the game?  I think so.  If you can't when with skill and smarts, I guess you have to resort to the mental game.  There's no way Alosi should've been fined 100 grand and fired, dude got screwed, it's not like he's a player that makes millions of dollars. 

The Jets organization gets an A for being a snitch through.   The concept of the "wall" was stolen from the Patriots because you weren't swift enough to think of it yourself, then you report the Pats as the reason that Alosi setup the wall and tripped a player.  Way to take responsibility.  Are the Jets really that jealous of the Patriots success that they had to rat them out.  Would the Jets have ratted the Patriots out if the Jets weren't caught in the act? The answer is no.  The Patriots tripped no one, Sal Alosi of the Jets did.  Just another reason to root against the Jets today.  Looks like the New York Post had the role of the Rats wrong on the back page.  Rexterminator?  Pretty fuckin' creative post...

Stay on the Lookout Bros

Alright, so there's some sticky situations you can encounter when you're looking for a prize to take back to your apartment, home, or dorm.  Some can be cancelled out by getting wasted, others not so much, here's a list of lessons to look out for next time you're on the prowl...


1) Blame the Booze - The all too common beer goggles.  Some nights I honestly still have nightmares about this situation.  After I got a good buzz on, I made a trip with a few of the guys, and quite possibly the widest girl at Cortland, to get some high quality drunk food.  Seriously, it may not have been her first trip to D.P. Dough that night.  Of course we went through the hookup and all that bullshit, blah, blah, blah (I literally almost shed tears of shame 2 days ago thinking about it). 

Luckily I wasn't drunk enough to take the wildebeest back to the room with me.  My boy Brian and I grabbed our calzones, and I started freaking out, I don't know if it was the fact that I was hungry for what was in my hand, or if it was because she wanted to eat my hand, i said Brian, "We gotta get the fuck out of here!"  Before that he had even tried to convince me NO, "She's a BEAST."  Thanks to him, we split, saving me harassment for the rest of my life.  Lesson learned, you gotta keep a Bro around for validation, especially if you're sporting the beer goggles.

2) Loose Shirts - Ladies, what the fuck kind of shit are you trying to pull here?  Are you really that desperate or is that blanket the only thing that would fit?  It's bad enough that you all try to negate your poor complexions with by befriending girls that you think are less attractive than you, but now you're wearing "stylish" puffy shirts.  AND, while we're on the topic of bitch clothing, let me tell you how great push-up bras are... until it's off and the tatas either drop to your toes, or there's absolutely nothing.  Even my tits could look good in a push-up bra.  Enough with the deceiving trends, you aren't as sneaky as you think, and Bros aren't as stupid as you think.  Lesson 2: Things aren't as pretty under the sheets as they might seem.

3) Makeup/Bed Tanning - I consider this a given, that's why it's listed last.  Why is it that a chick thinks if they look like Otto the Orange, I will want to fuck them?  It doesn't look real, therefore neither do you.  Fake boobs are different because every Bro wants to mess around with those things at least once in his life.  Of course tan is attractive, orange is not, in no way is getting an orange hue to your skin worth giving yourself cancer.  Oh and I did notice all that powdery shit on my shoulder after you hugged me, not fooling anyone, not sexy.  Fuck sparkles by the way, shit gets everywhere, impossible to get off.  Final lesson learned, fake is fuckable, but not preferred.

Trust me, I've been in all of these situations, and it ain't pretty.  You can thank me later.